More responsibility = More opportunities to improve

I have been given more responsibility and a upper-level position in the department. I accepted it, even though I knew that, this responsibility will take away all my free time. It has been a week and I already feel the transformation in me. I am sure that this experience will empower me. This following 3 years will be very hard, but I will do my best. I realized that I should follow my heart&mind for whatever happens. I will be honest to myself and others, and do the right actions, eventhough some people will go against me.

My blog friends: Eventhough I will be very very busy, I will still keep posting on this blog, but maybe once a month. I will do my best to visit your blogs and keep up with what is going on with your lives, new animes, dramas, mangas, and movies! (my only source of entertainment :)) So, please keep posting on your blogs and I will do my best to catch up! :D Love you all!

Traveling

I realized... More than anything I fear of changing my plans... I fear that I will lose control of my life when I travel for a few days...Silly silly...

Tomorrow is the big day. I am driving long distance with my family again to see my relatives. Good luck me!

(This is the photo I took from the high speed train a week ago)

Weight Loss--Finally!

I had thought that I had reached my final weight because I was not losing much anymore. But in August I started a new plan and I lost another 2 kg (4.4 pounds). I am still losing! YAY!

Here is what I did:

1. Eating less, of course. Lots of fresh veggies like carrots, cucumbers, tomatoes. Included Omega fats in my diet that increases my good cholestrol, like fish, nuts, olives, olive oil (thank you Vikki!). No dark meat, sometimes chicken, but mostly fish.

2. Started doing 10 minute Pilates every morning. Continued running 2 times a week, tennis once a week.

3. Doing meditation everyday to increase my self-confidence and my ego's dependence on things.

I guess it is hard to accomplish something when there is a problem within the body-mind-spirit triangle. I will work hard to keep the balance! :D

Progress Continues... One Stone At a Time

My grandfather once suggested, "Whenever you are angry at something, be patient, endure it, and put one stone. One day these stones will build up bit by bit, becomes so high. It will become a wall. Then you will not get affected by anything"

In the meditation exercises, it says the best way to deal with anger is ACTION, doing something, and transforming anger into something positive. If you repress it, it will eat you inside.

I decided to physically do what my grandfather told me. Everytime I endure a stressful event, everytime I conquer my anger, I will add one stone into a box and then I will stop thinking about it. This will be a way of transforming negatives into positives--> toward self-confidence.

Rush of Anger

I have been meditating for two weeks and I was very happy, relaxed, and loving. I was feeling very confident and strong. Then something happened and I lost myself to my anger.

I have been waiting for faculty housing for 1.5 years, but a colleague of mine might get housing in just a week, because she has good connections (I am happy for her by the way). She told me that, they considered my application when they were approving hers. I think it is because we are in the same department, and it will look bad if they accept hers but no mine.

I couldn't deal with my anger and called my dad, and he said "get used to inequalities in the society, favoritism, and all the dirty stuff in the workplace. When you get a higher position in the society, then you can solve these problems".

It is a big question mark in my heart. What should I do when people take advantage of me, or when they treat me unequally? One side of me says, "fight, get angry, go to their room and shout!".The other side says, be patient, take action slowly, talk to the responsible people calmly with no anger.

My grandfather once said "there are different ways to protect yourself. One way is to be patient and loving eventhough they hurt you and hate you.". I truly respect him and I believe in his words. But I cannot subside my anger quickly to react calmly.

I realized, the fire in my heart has the potential to burn up everything so fast and so easily (confidence, love, patience, gratitude, happiness). This scares me...

Summer!

It is summer time! Super hot! The summer school is over, but I still have to be in my office, working. Since there is not much to do, I am just fooling around... for a week :)

Vacation: I wonder why I don't like summer vacations, like going to the beach, get burn or stuff like that. I seriously don't like it. I like earth, walking, mountains, rocks, trees! Even if I had all-expense paid vacation to the best beaches, I would probably give it someone else.I still got sun-burn tough, because of tennis. It looks like I wear a white t-shirt and shorts when I am naked :)  Oh well.

Meditation: I spend at least 1 hour meditating everyday. It is going well. I feel like I am in a different dimension when I meditate. I love it! The only problem I have is finding a nice place to meditate. I meditate at home, but I also want to meditate in nature.

Music: Right now, I am organizing my music files. I downloaded all the albums of BZ and I am selecting the best ones! FUN!

Running: Last time I ran 2 miles in 18 minutes. This summer I will work hard to improve my speed.

Anime/Manga/Drama: I finished watching Nodame Cantabile again (Gyaboo-it is my 3-4 time!) Definitely, romantic commedies are my favorite!

Two good news about my work

1. Student evaluations have been announced, I am the top instructor in the department again (for 3 consecutive semesters). But more importantly, my students' comments were so touching *sniff sniff*.

2. My article has been accepted to be published in a high-quality journal in the Education field.

My usual reaction for such news = flying over the clouds, big smile across my face, bouncing around....
My actual reaction was = "Oh good...where was I..." *continue working*

Hmm.. maybe I am becoming a very dull person. YIKES! I should do something to celebrate *force myself* XD

Weight Log for 56 Weeks!!

I have been keeping record of my weight for 56 weeks, regularly every Sunday morning. The graph is below.
Although my progress is really slow and I have lost only 4 kg., I am still happy that my weight did not reach that peak again. I have 4 kg. more to lose and I hope it won't take another 56 weeks! LOL

June 15th: Patience and Gratitude

I am learning how to be patient, make decisions with a cool head....
I am also learning how to be grateful and be content with little...
I learning to love and forgive people even they hurt me.
And... I am learning how difficult to be able to do these.

Changes...

Is there an age at which people stop changing? Is there a certain age people change a lot? Or, change is not related to age at all?

Since 2009, my life has been changing a lot... Eventhough some of them are really small changes, my old plans do not apply to my new self anymore... It scares me how something important can become so trivial in a few days. It is also scary to see myself behave more like an adult too. Am I growing up!?

As long as I listen to my instincts, they tell me whether or not I am in the right way...I should swim with the flow.

Today I am watching: Capeta

Best Compliment Ever!!

Me:  Thanks for your help in this.
Supervisor:     You did a great job with these edits, you're an excellent scholar
Me:  :) I am your student
Supervisor:     I appreciate that, but I think you bring 90% of that with you. I think by the time you hit doctoral studies if you don't have the innate ability you can finish with a lot of help but massive growth is difficult. you had this same attention to detail when you started your dissertation.
----
Oh, by the way, I finally submitted my article to a journal!! Now, I can sleep well XD

Oh well...

I realized he is not the right person :P We only talked and ate. But he is an open-book when he starts talking. Oh well, I am happy that my heart beat fast for two days XD

Falling for someone...

I think I fell in love with someone yesterday.We met again today at lunch. My heart can't slow down...

It is interesting that I took the first step this time... I am amazed at myself for being proactive :P

Aya Kitou Quote from 1 Litre of Tears

Natsume

Natsume... You feel lonely because you think you do not have any friends to talk about your pain. But actually you have several good friends around you. Eventhough they cannot understand what you have been going through, they are still there for you, support you... You are a fool if you think you are alone.



Not being able to respond properly in conversations... not having good social skills....feeling awkward around people...I am all very familiar with situations like that. I "have to" talk to many people every day, and I got hurt with inconsiderate ones, or I hurt them when I am careless in what I say... I wish I had better social skills, but it won't get better when you do not practice being with others...

Natsume... I feel like we are alike...we are both feeling lonely but we have lots of good friends around us.

Opening Song Lyrics

You're putting on that face again.
Biting your lips, and hiding your weakness.
I see behind your eyes to your sadness.
The real you should be laughing, crying, all alone, and lonely.

Why do you carry your pain?
Let me help.
If you can't right away,
A little bit at a time is fine

Those of us without wings only think that we can't fly.
With all of my might, I'll call for you, so you don't get lost.
I'll lift your heart and let it ride on that wind,
with our voices as one.

Sick for 2 weeks...

I have been sick for 2 weeks, still have running nose. Beginning and ending of the winter are dangerous times, temperature changes suddenly.

I realized that my body's weakness is not only because of this, but also my irregular diet and stress. My stress...it is due to my projects and courses... I don't know why, but nothing works according to the plan these days. I feel depressed and weak... *sigh*

The only good thing right now is my imagination. Without my imagination I cannot go on living like this. These days I think of stories like "Earthian"... Angel with black-wing searching for his answer to the question "am I the only one with black-wings?"

Aya Kitou

I made this, combined my clouds picture with Aya-chan's. It was hard to find a clear picture of her, I got this from the Drama's ending scenes. She is probably hiding her two missing teeth at front while smiling. She is still cute!

What is wrong with falling down?...

"What is wrong with falling down? You can always stand up again. If you look up at the sky after falling down, the blue sky is also today stretching limitlessly and smiles at me...I am alive." Aya Kitou

May 1st and Vacation

I was on vacation for three days. It was really tiring, but it was nice to see my relatives. I drove 7 hours and 7 more to come back. I took this photo on my way. 

Touching Earth- I love Spring!

My studies are going well. Nothing is better than having a nice lunch outside after hardwork in the morning. Today is Sunday and nobody was in the department building. I bought pizza and have a little picnic outside, in the wild-grass, all by myself. It was relaxing laying on the grass, looking at the clouds and the tree that I laid in the shadow.

To think that humans are made out of earth. Touching it makes me relax, taking all of my stress and worry, and gives me strength that nothing is too big of a deal. Here are some more photos that I took: