I have been meditating for two weeks and I was very happy, relaxed, and loving. I was feeling very confident and strong. Then something happened and I lost myself to my anger.
I have been waiting for faculty housing for 1.5 years, but a colleague of mine might get housing in just a week, because she has good connections (I am happy for her by the way). She told me that, they considered my application when they were approving hers. I think it is because we are in the same department, and it will look bad if they accept hers but no mine.
I couldn't deal with my anger and called my dad, and he said "get used to inequalities in the society, favoritism, and all the dirty stuff in the workplace. When you get a higher position in the society, then you can solve these problems".
It is a big question mark in my heart. What should I do when people take advantage of me, or when they treat me unequally? One side of me says, "fight, get angry, go to their room and shout!".The other side says, be patient, take action slowly, talk to the responsible people calmly with no anger.
My grandfather once said "there are different ways to protect yourself. One way is to be patient and loving eventhough they hurt you and hate you.". I truly respect him and I believe in his words. But I cannot subside my anger quickly to react calmly.
I realized, the fire in my heart has the potential to burn up everything so fast and so easily (confidence, love, patience, gratitude, happiness). This scares me...
