It has been a transformation. I can't say it was in the good or in the bad way, but I've changed and am still changing.
For many days I was thinking about my purpose in life, why I should continue living. I found some good reasons. So I completely ruled-out commiting suicide.
That being settled, I started thinking about this world. I saw two roads ahead of me. One was the one that I made by imagining things like in mangas, day-dreaming, thinking things under pink clouds... The other one was hard, cruel, dark road, but it was the real world.
I thought walking under pink clouds will lead me nowhere because it is not real. I thought it is the road for cowards who escape from reality. I started walking in that dark road for about two weeks, stopped day-dreaming completely. Then, I almost lost my mind. I felt lonelier than before and I wanted to die even more than before. I am still not in a good shape after that experience. My mind and soul still did not recover.
I realized: If my mind stops going somewhere else, it rots, then leaks in my blood ....then my soul dies even my body lives.
I am kind of a person who lives in an imaginary world. I even have imaginary friends, angels, creatures who I talk to when I feel lonely (Yeah, I must had lost my mind long time ago). Imagining the existence of them made me happy, even though they were not real.
If something does not exist, but thinking about their existence makes you happy, then why stop imagining?I don't think the road I have chosen is coward's road anymore.
It is the road for people who CHOOSE to be happy but who also has an eye on the other road.
