Aya-chan's Diary..

It was yesterday when I was reading Vikki's Post about One Litre of Tears that I found out that this story is based on Aya Kitou's real life, based on her own diary (available here).  Due to her disease her body started to degenerate slowly and she lost her bodily functions one by one, then died at 25.

Unlike unrealistic drama girls who are super happy and strong, she was just a normal girl who cried all the time because of her disabilities at first. She was scared of dying. She wanted to live and want to be useful for people who helped her. More than anything, she had the hope that she will recover one day: She wrote:

"I sometimes don't even admit to my self that I'm disabled. I'm in the depths of despair. But, strangely, I don't feel like dying, because I feel a time of fun will come some day in the future"

After reading her diary, I felt really ungrateful for wanting to die for months. It was surprizing for me that she never thought of suicide. She became stronger and stronger at every difficulty with her disease.

It was also amazing that she still did her chores at home even during the late stages of her disease. When she had difficulty with her legs and arms, she still did her laundry, fold up her futon, and clean the floor. Each one of these took lots of time for her. This made me think I am too lazy.

Her friend, sa-chan told her: "I think that when someone dies, they have died instead of me. You (Aya) have a bad leg. So, I think that I need to live my life earnestly for you"

When I went home yesterday, I was very grateful to have a healthy body and decided not to get depressed about trivial things like work or money.